I was so tired before going to bed that I had convinced myself that the second my head hit the pillow I would fall asleep, and stay asleep until morning. Alas, like most nights I did not fall asleep immediately and to top it off I was immediately getting back out of bed because Max started to bark.

After getting Max and settling him into bed I went back to bed and closed my eyes. Immediately the sound of static filled my ears; which usually indicates that this night would not be full of sleep, but instead full of lucid dreaming, and sleep paralysis. With that in my mind, I was suddenly afraid to sleep and also very thirsty. Needing water I get up and head to the kitchen. After having a quick glass of water I go back to bed and find that both dogs have taken over my side of the bed and so I find myself standing there contemplating:

1. Do I wake them up by getting them to move and possibly causing Max to get up and start barking again?

2. Do I just grab my blanket and head to the couch?

I decide to choose option 1, determined to sleep in our bed. I get into bed and am able to get them both to move over giving me enough room to lie down and try to get back to sleep.

Before closing my eyes I look up at the time projected on our ceiling and note that it is only 11:30. Sighing, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. With my fear slowly subsiding I am able to fall asleep, but only for a short period of time. I sit up and am completely startled because my husband must have rolled over and put his arm on my shoulder. (This reaction is due to having lucid dreams, sleep paralysis, and recurring night terrors. Every touch at night after I fall asleep is a threat. Its an unfortunate side affect, but it is what it is.)

Now I am awake again and thirsty. So, water, bathroom, back to bed and a quick check of the time; which I noted as, 2:30. (Do you see the theme?) With another sigh, I lie back down and close my eyes. After what feels like a second my eyes are back open at the sound of Max barking, again. Ugh, why?  

I have now decided that it’s time to call it quits on sleeping in our bed and head out with my blanket towards the living room, but first I take a quick detour for a drink of some water and then head to the couch. I quickly check the microwave clock; which annoyingly reveals that it is only 1:45. (You are probably wondering why?) This is another reality of sleep paralysis, my eyes are constantly playing tricks on me. Most people only experience losing a true hour of sleep during daylight savings time, I, unfortunately, experience this weekly.

I am almost feeling defeated, but know that I need to at least lie-down and close my eyes; which will provide me with a little bit of rest. I close my eyes and immediately I am transported into dream mode. Opening my eyes I find myself in a seemingly normal living room; which happens to be our living room, but the air is off-putting and the painting with the pair of red bicycles now have two faceless men riding them — (Since I understand that my dreams are in fact dreams I can turn them off rather quickly by shutting my eyes and telling myself it’s just a dream. It works 8/10 times.) So I do this and re-open my eyes. Thankfully the painting is back to normal, but there is still static in the air and I have to make it go away. After taking a couple of deep breaths I am transported back to the safe static free confines of our living room. Of course, that whole process makes me thirsty, so after a glass of water, I check the clock. Not surprised to see 3:15 staring back at me as I see that time almost nightly.

I lie back down on the couch and sleep, albeit restlessly. This sleep cycle provides a “normal” in color dream about a cousin’s baby shower. Seeing my family and friends immediately lightens my mood. This enlightened feeling is cut short by a glass being broken (in my dream); which abruptly causes my sleep to end. I sit up to survey my surroundings, looking at my phone I discover that it is 4:30; which brings a little relief. (The night is almost over) Feeling a pair of eyes staring at me, I look down to discover Willie sitting up in his bed looking at me. As I sit here and write this I almost wonder if I was sleep talking and just not aware of it, or maybe I took a deep breath in when I sat up. I guess I will never know since he can’t tell me.

Realizing that it’s in fact 4:30 I feel safe going back to bed, in our bed. (After 3:15 my sleep paralysis and nightmares usually do not occur.) Willie hops off of his bed and follows me down the hallway to the bedroom. I get into bed and he jumps up and lies down on the bed next to my pillow. Willie is my shadow and I am certain that he tries to keep me safe at night. I fall to sleep and I am transported back to the baby shower. The mom to be is glowing and her mom is so happy that she is going to be a grandma. I then spot some unusual guests. Cousins with altered looks, they have shaved off their hair, but just on their dome’s.  Both also have those big earring pieces in their lobes. Thankfully their children haven’t changed. Beyond are some friends I haven’t seen in a while. Kevin gets to say hi to them, but I am stuck in a sea of people and then just like that I am awoken by nothing other than the dreaded alarm. Time to begin the day.

This post was just a quick peek into what my nights are filled with. If you have ever experienced any of the above leave a comment below to let me know how you cope and if you haven’t experienced it leave a comment letting me know what you think of it all? What do you think causes it? I am interested in hearing your thoughts.