I thought that it would be fun to share the prologue and first chapter, which is what you would read if you downloaded the Kindle sample. Hope you enjoy reading the sneak peek and I would love to hear your feedback!

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Prologue

July 5^th, 2018              Dream Journal: Entry 152

Last night’s dreams were very eerie. I am certain that it’s a dream I’ve had before. It seemed so real, and I almost felt like it played out like an old movie reel. The way I was walking, how the scenery moved by; I think he was there… in the shadows with his top hat perfectly placed.

There was faint music playing, creepy Ragtime. I opened my eyes and found myself standing at a crossroads. I wasn’t sure if I should keep moving forward or turn right. The road ahead looked somewhat familiar, but it also kind of scared me. I was aware that it was just a dream, but still, it seemed so real. The vibrant colors, the mist that hung just over the green grass. I just wanted to choose the way that would wake me.

In the distance, I could see someone, or something walking towards me, or were they floating? I decided to go down the road to the right. The road was unfamiliar but brought me peace. The colors were bright and warm. I looked back just to be sure the floating figure wasn’t following me and was relieved to see that there wasn’t anything but beautiful purple flowers and bright yellow butterflies. I remember turning back around so I could keep walking to find myself sitting up in bed holding my phone in one hand, and my flashlight in the other. My trusty flashlight that was guaranteed to always, ‘light the way.’

It was 3:15 a.m. a time that I frequently see. A time of night that can be terrifying in the dark. A time of night I wish that I could just peacefully sleep through. Thankfully I was able to fall back into a dreamless sleep. Today is going to be a great day I just know it.

July 2019

I’ve never slept well. Always tossing and turning. Always slipping in and out of sleep paralysis and lucid dreams. Night terrors occur occasionally as well. Those usually ended with me waking up in some random place.

Central Park at 2 a.m., barefoot, with my purple elephant pajamas on, had to be the scariest to date. We had been out on the town before heading back to the hotel for the evening. We were staying in Manhattan for the weekend to look at apartments. It was going to be a new chapter in our lives away from Colorado. Billy had finally convinced me to leave my comfort zone, so he claims. In reality, Mom and Aunt Sally had already made the move, and I had to follow.

When I came to and realized I was no longer in the hotel bed, I called my mom. I needed my mom. It was like the first time I had slept walked into the woods at Big Bear campgrounds. I was so frightened, she talked with me on the phone as I walked back to the hotel. Billy was sound asleep and didn’t even realize I had left.

The day we moved into our new apartment we had child locks installed so that I couldn’t escape. I wished the locks would just keep the Shadow Man away but, alas, nothing seems to keep him away.

 I’ve lived through this for over forty years and will continue to live, albeit sleep-deprived, drinking multiple pots of coffee every day, for the rest of my life.

 I needed to talk to someone about my most recent adventures, so I turned to my friend Sarai. Immediately she suggested that I should go to a sleep specialist.

“Why? So, they can just put me on sleeping pills? Have you not watched, ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street?’ Oftentimes, I feel as if the ability to wake myself when the Shadow Man is looming over my head is what saves my life. What if he were to reach my bed and I didn’t wake up, because I was on sleeping pills, and couldn’t get myself out of it? What then?”

Sarai just laughed and shook her head; the sign that the conversation was becoming uncomfortable for her. This is why I don’t talk about it with anyone. Just like mental health, it’s a completely taboo subject that’s uncomfortable to speak about.

I wish that Evan, Lily, Thomas, and Mya were here with me in the city. They would listen to me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. That the Shadow Man was just a figment of my imagination. I knew that I could just call them, but it wasn’t the same. So instead, I write. I keep a dream journal to remind myself that the Shadow Man isn’t real, the metallic-like ‘monsters’ that dangle down from the ceiling aren’t real. That the red blinking lights are just my mind playing tricks on me.

Or are they real? I know these are things I should never question the reality of, but some nights they just seem so real. As real as Evan’s bright blue eyes that day at Batty Betty the babysitter’s house.

***

Summer 1988. We had been playing hide and seek…

I stood quietly next to the fence, smelling the little blue flowers that grew on the vine, hoping that he couldn’t find me.

 “Those are called bluebells,” Evan said, startling me.

I looked all around but couldn’t find him. How can he see me?

“Look to your right!”

I turned my head to the right, and through the vines I spied his blue eye staring back at me.

“You know you aren’t allowed outside the gate. You’re going to get in trouble if she finds out!”

I thought a little before responding. “Well, she’ll only find out if you tell her, and best friends don’t tattle on one another!” I had hoped this would be enough to keep him quiet, because the consequences for breaking any rule meant no lunch. And just the thought of no lunch made my stomach growl.

“Well, hurry up and get back over here before she sees you’re gone!”

“I’m coming!” I quickly made my way back through the gate and safely inside the confines of Batty Betty’s backyard, and just in the nick of time.

“Lunch is ready. Get in the house and get washed up. Make sure you clean those dirty nails. Boys!” Betty yelled with a mixed look of disgust and exhaustion.

As soon as I stepped through the back door and into the kitchen, I knew what we were having for lunch. Mac-N-Cheese… again. Ugh. Betty had served us the same thing every day this week. It wasn’t enjoyable, but I ate every single bite.

After lunch Evan and I went back outside to play on the swings and, more importantly, get out of the noisy, toddler-filled house.

“Why do you still come here in the summer? Isn’t your mom home?”

“My mom thinks that it’s good for me to get out of the house; plus, you make the day fun.” I’d fibbed a bit. My mom had also questioned why I was insistent on going to Batty Betty’s all summer. I told her that Evan needed a friend. She gave me that smile that showed how proud she was and agreed to take me, but only until 2:30. She said that she needed some Momma and Emma time, and I agreed.

Evan smiled. “I’m glad. Otherwise, I would be stuck here by myself with all those babies and Batty Betty yelling about them crying. To top it off, I would have to deal with Brad’s constant teasing and Lisa’s eyerolls.”

Brad and Lisa were Betty’s high-school-aged kids. Brad was your typical high school boy who loved to tease younger kids constantly. He loved to tousle Evan’s hair when walking by. He would call us both nerds and babies for watching, ‘Today’s Special,’ on Nickelodeon.

Lisa was your typical teen girl with big, curly hair, and perfectly pushed-up bangs, who would constantly roll her eyes at everyone and everything. Sometimes she would sit behind me, braid my hair, and talk about the boys that she liked at school. That and Evan were the only things enjoyable about going to Betty’s.

The rest of the afternoon flew by, and my mom was there to pick me up right at 2:30. I jumped down from the swing set, said goodbye to Evan, and ran out the gate.

Evan and I had become inseparable. Two peas in a pod. He became the brother I never had.

***

1988 seems so long ago. A time I wish I could go back to, where the only boogeyman that existed was Henry the friendly ghost. Henry would make my toy box lid ‘move’ and turn my night-light on and off. Little did I know that Henry would turn into the Shadow Man as I got older.

I also think about Betty, Brad, and Lisa quite often. I wonder how their lives turned out. Was Betty still alive? A question to ask my mom. I turned the light off. I knew that it was time for me to try and sleep. Mom, Aunt Sally, and I had our annual birthday lunch date uptown at noon. It was a lunch date that I always look forward to. This birthday was just like all the others before. Except this time the story Mom told was different…